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In a World Where Infidelity Reigns, Elin Nordegren's Got a Tiger by the Tail...& Now, She Got Him Nutz In Da' Vice!


I, personally am well endowed for an artist, but some others, could use a little help.

Does One Suffer for Art or From It?


The Poodle Bites (come on frenchy) The Poodle chews it (snap it)!

Check Out This Band Whether You Like Frank Zappa or Not


Click Me if You Like Abstract Art, don't if You Don't.

Click for Todd's Art Gallery Already




is it possible to be a genius & stupid all @ the same time? i like to think so, otherwise...i'm kinda' screwed

Yet Another Shameless Plug For My Old Band


homestar runner, the king of town, the cheat, marzipan, they're all here!

Hello, This is JACKED UP! But Check It Out Anyway.


EmoToddConz: The New Face of Emotions!





I normally don't say anything, but it does get a wee bit raunchy @ the end there.


Tiger & His Squadron Of Hookers Are Coming to a Golf Course Near You, Just in Time for Christmas. Mm Mmm Tiger, You Done Got Caught. I Hope You Don't Mind Parting With Hundreds of Millions of Millions of Dollars. You Don't? Sweet!


Oh, Tiger, you rapscallion, what're we ever going to do with you? You're the greatest golfer in the world, possibly in golfing history, sure. You make an obscenely staggering amount o' money in tournament play & endorsements, check. You have a hot Swedish housewife in Elin Nordregren with 2 beautiful kids, check-a-rooni. But, apparently, you cheat on her & can't seem to keep your cool as she chases you down the driveway with a 3 iron....check & mate. So, where does that leave you? Let's see, well, you're a billionaire who is still all the things I described above. But, if you're not as smooth as your back swing, you could lose it all!!! Well, half anyway, as Florida is an equitable distribution (community property) state so ya best watch ya ass now, sonny. Of course, all this chatter stems from the car accident, okay, luxury SUV accident Tiger got himself into last Thursday night/Friday morning @ about 0215est where conflicting reports abound. The #1 rumor is he was leaving the house in a hurry shortly after arriving home from a date with his mistress Jaimee Grubbs because his wife was trying to bash his brains in with a golf club. “I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves,” Woods said on his Web site. “I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.” You know what, Le Tigre? If that is what you did, then those are your values, pal. & Tiger is not unrepentant, he also said, “I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.”

Bra...Vo. Well, Tiger, I'm convinced. I forgive you. You're saying all the right things. & let me tell you, I'm not easily swayed. You want me to put in a good word with Elin for you, or better yet, her divorce lawyer? Jesus, what a tool. You bang some cocktail waitress, your wife finds out & comes after you with one of your very own clubs & you flee, & then crash your Escalade. Are you feeling like the king of the world now, or are you feeling like believing all of your own hype over the years is finally catching up with you? & supposedly, Jaimee isn't even the first. Why couldn't you have gotten caught with your other mistress, Rachel Uchitel, she is much hotter than Jaimee Grubbs & apparently, much less grubbier. Okay, that's a joke, I don't know how grubby she is. She's probably just grubby for money...there, I said it. I'll bet in Rachel's heyday, she was much hotter than Elin even, but in her ho day, she's just another pro golf groupie, who wants a piece of the Tigger pie, which, is probably going to be about half as large if Elin does what she oughta' & takes you to the friggin' cleaners already. But hey, $500 mil isn't anything to sneeze @, am I right? You betcha'! & then there's also one Kalika Moquin, the 5th wheel that's currently falling off the bus & into the national spotlight. Thank you, National Enquirer. Once again, you deliver unlike any legitimate news source. When are people going to learn to believe you? & thank you TMZ. & don't look now Tiger, but Elin is renegotiating your prenup, hello! I mean, all those hookers are fine, but were they worth losing $60 mil & probably even more before it's all said & done? Were they that much better in the sack than Elin? Now, that, is some high dollar pussy right there, lemme' tell you, my friends. You've got fine ass women throwing themselves @ you right & left, & apparently, you just cannot resist the temptation.

Ah, but such is the life of the billionaire golfing wunderkind, traveling from city to city with a bag full of clubs & balls & a libido to match. A lot of people may be disappointed in you but you know there's a lot of golfers out there, pro, amateur or otherwise, that are going "Hell yeah! Knock it down Tiger!" that's what pro sports is all about, cash, glory & unlimited poon naan ni. But to be able to keep that many on the string, you will have to be a pretty skilled golfer, which of course, Tiger is. Bill Clinton could've & possibly still could learn a lesson from you, if you're going to cheat on your wife, make sure the babe you're cheating with is foine! Which, they all are, but there are even lots more even finer women out there to be had for Tiger, but I guess you take what you can get @ golf tournaments. I remember back in my bartending days, I would routinely pull loads of seriously fine ass honeys as hot or even hotter than any of Tigers', & I was no billionaire. Of course, you always have to remember guys, & write this down, if you can get that 8th long island iced tea into her, she's all yours. Then again, she's also your responsibility, so keep her hydrated & be sure to get her home safely to avoid alcohol poisoning & various other criminal charges that your irresponsible behavior could net you. Keep in mind, safety 1st, fellas. Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, if you don't happen to have 8 long island teas to seduce her with, having a billion dollars handy will allow you to slide right in there with ease. Now, don't get me wrong, I dig banging broads as much as the next guy, providing the next guy isn't Tiger Woods. There's also a lot of noise that he's a dread' sex addict, which, will obviously be his defense @ the divorce proceedings where I predict her lawyers will trot out no less than 10 mistresses all clubbed by Tiger. Remember, you read it here first, & I also predict it's going to come to light just how much Tiger enjoyed playing the back nine. Oooow! (high fives all around.) NICE!

& Tiger's wife isn't the only one who is disgusted by his philandering, her former boss & colleague of Tigers', golfer Jesper Parnevik was quick to throw his 2 cents in. "I would probably need to apologize to her and hope she uses a driver next time instead of a 3-iron," Parnevik said, adding that he has not spoken to Woods since the accident. "It's a private thing, of course," the Swede said. "But when you are the guy he is - the world's best athlete - you should think more before you do stuff... and maybe not 'Just do it,' like Nike says." Ooooh. Wow, Jesper, sound bite much? You really cut Tiger & Nike to the quick on that one. It sounds a little to me like the old Jespernator wants an in with Elin, hmm? You interested in makin' a little time with Mrs. Tiger, is that it? You, uh, hopin' to trade your not so hot blonde wife for a more scorching model so she can teabag your little Swedish meatballs, hmmm? Or, are you genuinely sorry for introducing them? I do hope that it's because you're sorry because I'm sure she's feeling fairly heartbroken @ the moment & the last thing she needs is a friend trying to cash in on her vulnerability. & I am pretty sure Tiger thought about what he was doing since he has multiple mistresses spread out all over the country & even more likely, THE WORLD!!!! We'd be foolish to think his actions are limited to the U.S.. Why, he's probably got bitches with fucked up teeth in Britain, plates in their lips in some remote African village, a grass skirt in Samoa, Kabuki make up in Japan, a babe in a sari in Bombay & maybe even a chick with a dick in Thailand. Who can say how many of them are going to come streaming out of the woodwork to cement Tigers' trim chasing reputation. Given the fact that 4 of them came to light in just the 1st couple of days, I'm guessing there will be plenty more, so we've got that to look forward to us, whoo hoo! I, for one, cannot wait. You in a heap of trouble Tiger, & the truth is, personally, I don't give a fuck . I'm just a guy who's trying to be topical over here. Can you deal with that? This is Todd Hendricks, signing off on on! Good night & good luck.