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You'll need an umbrella when Mel's fists of alcoholism & bigotry start rainin' down on ya ass


















Hiiiiii Ya!

& you just know dat stuffed beaver loves stuffed pork
















i give up, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Whaaat, they put a stream here? Dam it!











i don't damn you but my beaver do

What, Mel's copying the Office?




















do the damn thing

What, Too dam obvious?



going to jail or tapping into my monetary resource pile? it's NO contest!




Mel pleads no contest for batterizing Oksana. Wow, I guess evidence really does work...sort of.


Well, Hollywoods' most violentist Aussie import is back again for our entertainment pleasure, pleading nolo contendre in Friday's battery hearing. What's the matter, Mel, the guys prosecuting you too tough fo' ya? If the district attorney had been a defenseless woman holding a 2 year old baby, would you have fought them then? Apparently, Mel just stood there & respectfully took it as his lawyer said he did it & accepted his sentence. &, what a sentence it was, Johnny, tell him what he's won! Yes, Mel, you've won...36 months of probation and are hereby ordered to attend 52 weeks of domestic violence counseling? Say whaaaat now, that's it? After beating the living borscht out of Oksana while she was holding their kid, & after all the audio tapes of him threatening to kill her & bury her Russkie tuchus in the rose garden, & no jail time? &, no taking custody rights away? What's up with that? What, are you telling me that if you have enough money, you can get away with virtually anything? Call my ass naïve, but I find that hard to belïeve. What, it's true? Oh, well, that's a horse of a different color. &, the name of that color is, cash. Now then, if'n I'd beaten my Russian mail order bride to a bloodified pulp like that, ya'll better had know that I'd be writin' all my writins' from a jailhouse, & not my swanky Ikea desk. (Ikea desk not included.) &, on the taxpayers dime, no less! Imagine if Mel had less money like me, he a) would not have made all that $ in the 1st place b) would not have become the target of the commie gold digga' Oksana. & 3) ehhh, I got nuthin'. Be that as it may, I'd like to quote Vibe awards hip hop artist of the year, Lil' Mel G, who, in one of his famous rap joints, scraight up, stone cold busts, When I roll up my sleeves, gold diggin' ho's betta' run, I'm Mel, Mel Gibson, the females batterin' one...Goddamn ya! Okay, Mel didn't say that, I just made it up, but doesn't it sound like something that might be true? &, the violent imagery is so real you could almost punch it in the face, just like Mel does to Oksana. & picture like multiple, overlapping bass drums, so they sound hella' large on the track, know what i'm sayin', yo? But, the real concern is whether or not Mel will abide by the rules of his probation & heed the lessons bestowed upon him by his domesticated violence counselors in an effort to become a more well rounded & compassionate person & not be such a violent, racist bunghole. Oh, he won't? Well, then let's talk about Mel's upcoming movie instead, The Beaver, where he plays a troubled father &/or executive who uses a stuffed beaver as his only form of communication? It's true. No, really. I'm serious, dagnabbit! Still don't believe me? Well then, here's a link & a trailer that pretty much proves that shit. &, if you still don't believe me, then you, my friend, are just my kind o' cynic. However, I can assure you that it's really happening. Not exactly sure why I had to italicize every other word there, but there you have it.

click on this image of me about to beat some bitch's ass & read all about me beatin' some bitch's ass

Click Mel, you know you want to

Now, what were we talking about again? Oh, that's right, Mel Gibson with his hand up a prescription puppet, sharing, caring & just acting generally human...sort of like the exact opposite of Mel, who appears to be anything but these days. I don't mean to knock a couple of Hollywood giants like Mel & Jodie Foster before the fact, but judging by everything I've read & after watching the trailer, this The Beaver film looks like it has all the makings of a piece of shit. I realize you can't judge a piece of art on the surface but the whole concept of them trying to make what appears to be another stab @ a big budget movie trying to look like an indie film is even more pretentious in this case than it normally is. &, we all know how often it's worked out in the past. I'm sure it's going to come out that with all the crap going on in Mel's life (caused by those damnedable Jews, of course) that making this movie will prove to have been cathartic for him & allowed him to see the error of his ways. Then, once he wins another Oscar or is @ least nominated & his so called redemption is complete, he'll hook up with some new young trophy, & beat the crap outta' her too when he finds out all she really wants from him is money. Luckily for Mel though, he's still rich rich rich, & will be able to buy his way out of trouble...again, which is pretty sweet, because what's the point in procuring large stockpiles of cash, if not only to get you out of narcissistical, self created jams; am I right? &, what's wrong with Jodie Foster anyway, working with that savage bastard? She must be trying to prove some kind of point that everybody deserves a second chance, no matter what kind of shenanigans they've perpetrated. But, I'm thinking Mel should probably go ahead & go through rehab & all of his probation & counseling, & once he's proven he can be a trustworthy human being again, then let him start showing his face in public. Of course, that's merely one man's opinion, you might not really care what he does, you're just yearning for a little more of that old Mel Gibson magic @ your local theater. Well, thanks to Jodie & the Beaver, the magic is back. &, not a moment too soon, I might add. Why, Hollywood has become positively stagnant these days, what with the King's speech n' what have you, boring audiences & winning Oscars out the wazoo. Then again, some things never change, do they? &, thanks to boring old Hollywood stalwarts like Mel & Jodie, they don't have to. Excuse me, I think I'm going to go watch some old Hollywood masterpiece now, like Citizen Kane for instance...or Mallrats, for that matter. You know, one of the classics. Or, Powder Puff Girls: The Movie, perhaps the greatest piece of cinema noir to come out of Hollywood since Ernest: Scared Stupid. It worked for me, it can work for you, too! Hey, you know what Mad Mel says when he sees a gal that he likes? I'd hit that.


A woman should be home with the children, building that home and making sure there's a secure family atmosphere- Mel Gibson