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Man, am I glad I was never an altar boy...phew!













dear lord, deliver us from evil...oh, yeah, & priests, too!

How long has it been since your last confession?


















whatever you do, don't sit on the bishop's lap....unless you're into that kind of thing, of course

I just hope that Bishops wear a Jimmy hat, too













put the biscuit in the basket

Hope, anyone?

















oh, yeah, my Pope status is purely honorary

Pope Hats are Dope Hats




you know, if we don't put a glass dome on this goddamn thing, someone's gonna shoot my pope ass



Oh, SNAP! Turns out, hundreds of years of sexual abuse were merely a Clerical error.


London, England (CNN) -- Pope Benedict XVI met with five clergy abuse victims while on his official visit to the United Kingdom, the Catholic Communications Network said Saturday, the same day the pope expressed his deep sorrow for the scandal that has rocked the Catholic Church.

Wow, hundreds of years of sexual abuses, thousands of victims, pretty much zero retribution or ramifications (I take that back, the priests ramified their victims with extreme ramification, a lawt.), & now the Pope has reached out his hand to 5 of them? Whoopie! He’s setting the bar fairly high in terms of empty gestures. Perhaps, though, I should say fairly low, depending upon your ideaology. Here's an innovative idea that's centuries ahead of it's time, the next time the Pope tours the world, the Catholic church could set up a series of reverse confession booths where Priests could confess their sins to abuse victims & let them decide what kind of pennance they should pay. Say 10 hail marys & 5 our fathers, then, slice your dick off with a box cutter & you'll be absolved of all your sins. Clean, simple, perfect. I wonder if he took Viagra prior to the meeting in the event he was attracted to any of the victims. What? It’s a valid question. In a world where priests like to abuse children & adults alike by routinely penetrating all of their orifices, the Pope is becoming widely regarded as the abusemaster general. He’s probably more pissed that his boys keep getting caught than the fact that the abuses are taking place in the 1st place or otherwise he’d do more to stop it from happening, or, something even. But, what could he do to stop or @ the very least, deter them, you cry. Well, he could boot their asses out of the church so that if they wanted to rape any young boys, they’d have to network & meet them like normal pedophiles for Christ’s sake, not serve their prey up to them on a fucking platter. Jeez, way to make it easy for them. Imagine how many jobs could be created from all the sting operations they'd be able to perform to catch these fuckers. They’d have to have a 24 hr Dateline To Catch a Predator channel from all the business the excommunicated priests would drum up. Then, the script would get flipped & the priests would get to go to jail & become honorary altar boys themselves, & get their asses pounded on a regular basis. Wouldn't that be neat? Ah, the sweet, sweet smell of ironical justice.


i may be the pope, but that don't mean i can't wear a pimp hat...right? hello?


Cor Blimey, what's e doin' here?

The Brits were not as kind to the Pope as I have been however, & thousands turned out to protest his visit, accusing him of being the boss of the world’s largest child molesting ring & holding up signs asking questions like did the Pope fancy the baby Jesus? When pressed for comment, the Pope said, Well, off a da record, I would a have a to say…heey! What’samatta' you? You a trying to a entrap a Pope or what? Fuggedaboudet, I ain’t tellin’ you stugatz! So, I guess we’ll never know. The answer is only known between the Pope & the Pope…oh yeah, & God, who could not be reached for comment because he knew that the question about how could he keep employing all these preverts without running background checks on them was coming. It’d be a very easy question to put on the priest application, do you plan on having sex with any children or any of your other parishioners? Check yes or no. &, if they check yes, you probably shouldn’t hire them. Then again, Pope, if part of the job description includes never being able to have a girlfriend or ever have sex, then you can expect a certain amount of horniness to build up over the years & it would naturally spill over into their work, in the form of thrusting themselves on people who trust them. &, there’s no thrust without trust. &, you have to wonder what these prospective priests are thinking, hmm, nope, I don’t think I’ll ever want to have sex with anybody for my entire life, will I? nah, should be no big deal. Then, after a couple of weeks on the job, they’re all, uh oh, what was I thinking? Oh well, that altar boy is pretty cute, surely there won't be any repercussions if I put it in his butt, I’m a priest, after all. God is on my side. What’s the worst that could happen? Hopefully, the altar boy will have gotten away while that little moral q & a played itself out in the priest’s head.  


it's not that i don't care, it's just that....well, actually, it is just that.


It's official: Pope don't really care

But, it still doesn’t sound as though the Pope is actually going to do anything to prevent it from happening again, why, just check out this quote, I express my gratitude for the efforts being made to address this problem responsibly, and I ask all of you to show your concern for the victims and solidarity with your priests. Sounds to me like he’s saying, hey, since we keep getting caught, we, as child molesting priests gotta’ stick together! &, the Pope is also expected to meet tomorrow with representatives of the ominously foreboding National Catholic Safeguarding Commission. So, what does that tell you Pope, when a group of people convened to form a worldwide organization whose sole purpose of creation is to safeguard individuals from your very religion? Ouch. Does that tell you that sexual abuse within the Catholic church has indeed reached pandemic proportions, or does that make you feel all the more powerful? &, Mark Serrano from SNAP, the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (probably oughta' be SNOTABP? I’m just sayin’), said, We hope each of these brave individuals feels better as a result of the meeting, both now and years from now, It takes real courage to disclose your pain to others, especially those in authority. We hope the risk these victims have taken will prove to be fruitful, for them, for other victims and for children being molested today and in the future. Yeah, I’m quite certain that for someone who once had a priests’ shlong jammed up their bunghole, some kind words from the very bastard who has the power to stop it, but plans on doing nothing about the abuses now, or in the future, would really have a lot of credibility & bring to them a real sense of peace…Then again, probably not. Pope probably told them to go back to church, & if something like this happens again, they should keep their fucking mouths shut, Tony Soprano style. &, the fact that this guy felt compelled to mention the risk that was involved with coming forward to meet the Pope. Why was it a risk? What were the possible consequences for the victims? The fucking Pope himself should've been the one who was worried, & humbled, for that matter. If it was me meeting him, I’d have to ask him, hey, what is about your job that makes you guys such pervs? No, really, Pope, I’d seriously like to know. Is that specifically why you joined the priesthood, knowing you’d have an unending supply of people to rape for the rest of your lives? Though, I’m sure I would’ve been dragged out of the meeting & possibly arrested for having the temerity to ask such questions of his exulted Popeliness, penultimately proving my perfectly placed & provocative point. Okay, I’m a officially a all a Poped out a now.  Arrivadouci!


Is that something I'd want to do??? Is the Pope Catholic and making the world safe for pedophiles? - Eric Cartman