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LT's world is full of sports, hookers & good old times, ya'll! Yeeehaw!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

come to the light. all pederasses are welcome

LT here...keepin' it real

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If I knew some pimps, I wouldn't have half these problems

It's Brian Peppers' lonely hearts club band

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

it's a who's who of pervs

Well, hello there Mr. Muscley arms

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the dr. is in, my ass

Sometimes you got to spank a ho to keep ya pimp hand scrong

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

let's go giants, let's go!

It's the cat in the LT hat

 

Ccccrrrrrrrrrackkkkkkk! I hereby declare dis hookuh brokeded!!

1-13-2011

 

Lawrence Taylor...for when you absolutely, positively got ta'break a ho.

 

Well, looks like good old LT is @ it again. Okay, actually, he was really only making good on his court appearance whereby he accepted the plea deal on statutory rape charges stemming from his arrest last May. LT will not be imprisoned after all. Instead, he'll get a fine, probation & also be required to register as a sex offender. All this as a result of him getting horny in NY after a brisk round on the links, picking up the phone & hittin' up super pimp Rasheed Davis to send up a ho to his hotel room merely to git his freak awn....& the next thing you know, the heat's bustin' down his doe, tryin' to tell him that his ho was a kid fa sho. & the rest is history, it ain't no mystery, LT is straight screwed, ya'll. He's not going to prison, but he's going to have to live with the stigma of being a sex offender for the rest o' his days. So, do you think that he's learned a lesson from all this? Do you think he's going to become a productive member of society? Do you think that his days of frequenting hookers is over? Yup, me too. I think he's hereby destined only for the straight & narrow, & it's gonna' be nuthin' but smooth sailin' for LT from here on in. Yessir, I do believe it's pretty safe to say that he's learned his lesson. Why, the opportunities are going to be literally falling @ LT's feet. The world is now his oyster. I guess you could say that everything's coming up LT!! &, that's pretty fucking exciting if you ask me. Oh, you didn't? Well, I don't care, I'm not afraid to say it. I LOVE ME SOME LT!!! Wait just a sec, it's starting to get weird in here. I do love LT but I don't love LT. Why, that would make me some sort of a homosexual & could very well prevent me from joining the service, or @ the very least assure me of being assigned to the gayest unit. Huh huh huh huh...I said unit.

Stop reading now. Go to www.espn.com

Can you read Sucka'?

But, on a more sensible note. I'd be willing to wager you that LT, even as we speak, is snarfing crystal methamphetamine off the tookus of the most least expensive hooker in the state of Florida, ha ha ha ha...& having the time of his life! If LT were a pragmatic man, he would make quite certain to let every pimp he does bidness wit know to only send him the oldest, most dried out, stankified ho in their irrespective stables. You fools know the kind I mean? The kind that couldn't possibly even be remotely mistaken for underage. &, even though they might not be that attractive physically, after banging one, you generally don't have to register as a sex offender, you just might have to drop her off @ the nursing home when you're through hittin' it is all, & that ain't much, believe you me. &, when LT gets horny yet again, & jew know dat he weel, he can just have Pimp Daddy Flex dial one up from the mezzohoic era, which we all know, was the golden age of cave ho's. I'm talking old, here. I'm talking about poonanis what fart dust & what not, & not just regular dust, antique, dust bowl style dust. I'm talking having to utilize carbon black dating technology in order to be able to ascertain their true age & possibly might just require a thorough detailing & pressure washing prior to use. In other words, just generally more aged than one might prefer. It may not be that much fun, but, if it means staying out of prison, zen it is truly worth it, n'est-ce pas? I think so. But, enough about me, let's talk about you. What do you think about me? Do you think I've crossed the proverbial line with all of this antique coochie dust chatter? Are you offended? Have you stopped reading or are you wondering just what the heck I'll come up with next? You know what? Me, too. &, I cain't hardly wait neither. Now, all I have to do is think of something awesome...wait for it...wait for it...I got nuthin'. Oh well, LT, it looks like you're off the hooker! OMG! I guess I didn't, I guess I didn't know that I wasn't done after all. Hee hee! I am officially ROFLMAO now! Howl. Phew! Man oh man, pretending to laugh @ an extremely pedestrian attempt @ sophisticated humor surely do take it out of a muthafucka'. Oh shit, sorry about my language again. In summation, I've said it befo', & I'll say it some mo', po' po' LaDanian Tomlinson. Back to you, Dick.

i did not!

Whatchu' lookin' et me fer? I ain't never done rapeded me nary a body.

Hey now, who do you think you're callin' Dick? It's still just little old me up in h'yah, & I'd like everyone to know that all of those things I just said...I didn't mean em. I's just trying to get attention is all. It's all just a great big ol' cry for help. I'm sick. But you know, @ least I didn't rape an underage hooker & have been forced to register my own personal Johnson as a weapon. So, @ least I've got that going for me, if nothing else. But, seriously, I know I'm incredible, & I know that you know. You don't have to keep telling me. I should know. After all, I live with me every day, & believe me, it is @ least 87.9% of what it's cracked up to be. So, take that haters, what with all yo' hatin' & thangs. & I'm not going to criticize LT for getting horny, Hell, we all do; but you'd think after the career & life he's had & all the shit he's been through, you would @ least like to think @ some point along the line he'd' develop a just an inkling of street smarts. &, that doesn't include putting yourself in a position to have to do something as unintelligent as taking a plea bargain that just so happens to cause sex offender registration, for example. I mean, that's just good old fashioned common sense. But, who knows, he's hooked up with hookers for so long, what are the odds that this 1 was the only underaged 1? For all we know, he's already registered. Maybe it was no big deal. Shit, he may very well be registered @ Williams & Sonoma, they do have some fine products for your kitchen. But, my digression from this flimsy spin off of the sexual registration joke to a wedding registration reference is not only overdue, it's welcome. But, now that it's out there, I don't regret saying it, in fact, I'm going to read it again right now to see if it indeed stands the test of time...hold on. Ah ha ha ha ha, no, it didn't work. It didn't even stand the test of 5 minutes. In fact, it's not even worth continuing to talk about when we're supposed to be dealing with LT. Though, we did get our daughter one of those litte pink Williams & Sonoma kid sized aprons to wear around the kitchen. She's so cute...awwww. Back to LT. Okay then, all this off the subject stuff has caused this story to lose it's steam, so, fuck it. I'm done. I'm here to officially tell you I ain't never gonna write about LT no more. &,don't you let me catch you reading about him anymore, either. Okay? Okay! Well, I'm certainly glad that's settled. Now, we could eat.

ePiLoGuE: Stardate January 14, 2011. Hi, I'm back. You know what, I did go back & read this piece again, & I'd just like to apologize for sinking to that level when there was so much deeper I could've gone. I could've gotten into so much more perverted stuff & I should've. You people deserve better. I feel just absolutely mortified about it. Please don't hate me, I promise that I'll do better next time. You gotta' give me another chance. Yeah? No? Well then, fergitchu', man. You think you're better than me, chief? Well you ain't, you're nuthin', man, or if you're a woman reading this, then, woman, man. Boo hooo hoooo hooo, YOU'RE Nuthin'!!! But, even with all the water that's passed under the bridge between us in the last paragraph, I'm hoping we can still be friends. Well, why not? Well, you're...all...I...got...left. You're...all I've got. Well, you, & my family & my job, my hobbies; my music, my writing, painting, going to the gym, playing with my kids, helping them with their homework, having relations with my wife, working on my website, vacations, etc. Then, there is my charity work & mentor program. Come to think of it, I do stay pretty busy, what with all them activities I mentioned previously & heretofore right in the couple 3 lines above this one, so, I guess I don't really need you after all. I only act this way just cuz I want everybody to think that I'm fun. But, I'm not fun, dammit! I'm deep, dark & downright despicable, & there ain't no tellin' what I'll do. So, watch out. &, I better see you here next time...or else. Or else what, you may ask? Or else, I will be very disappointed, that's what. &, you wouldn't like me when I'm disappointed. It's actually very similiar to when the Hulk gets angry except I don't turn that green & I rarely kill people & they hardly ever have to send the army to try & stop me. Nope, they usually just give me a cookie or something, & I feel better. See? Now, was that so hard? I like cookies.

 

I have a whole different type of lifestyle- Lawrence Taylor