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Christine O' Donnell: Wiccan Gooood! &, Don't Burn the Qran, Get a Free Hyundai Accent! Whoo Hoo!


It's like, I know, I can't believe I haven't written about Christine O' Donnell yet, either. But, there's just been so many more interesting & topically relevant topics out there, namely, stripper loving judges, child abusing Baptist preachers, preachers threatening to burn the Quran, child abusing priests; wife abusing celebrities & even Michael Jordan wit him very own Hitler moustache. So, with all of that going on, who has time for witches? I do, @ least for the moment, I am making time for them now, well, Christine anyway. She, like, Sarah Palin are fun to talk about but in the grand scheme of things, are a fairly low priority. She's another in a long line of self righteous, family values & Christian rhetoric spewing republican candidates who turns out to have something so darkly contrasting about them compared to what they tout themselves as being, that in the end, makes them look halfwittedly hypocritical. For example, being a born again Christian on the 1 hand, & then also being a witch on the other. But, when you think about it, what's the big deal? So, Christine dabbled in witchcraft when she was younger & she now just so happens to be enjoying a successful political career. Do be good enough to tell me, in what way is that surprising? Now, there's a good chap. @ The very moment that Christine graduated from Hogwartz, she had the wherewithall to take advantage of their placement services &...Voila! Instant job in politics! I mean, what's the point in eternal servitude to the dark lord if you're not going to @ least be successful on this Earthly plane, am I right? Oh, & how's about some of the bat shit crazy bon mots she's been dropping on our asses like so many dirty bombs? Ironically, she's against masturbation: If he already knows what pleases him and he can please himself, then why am I in the picture? Why indeed? Plus, she’s a miniature Sarah Palin a like who is about as sexually appealing as say, well, Sarah Palin. That isn't to say that either one of them are not cute in a conventional sense, they just look like they've stepped out of evangelical Christian lifestyle ads, but don't look to be completely sold on it. They both look to be engineered, through a lifelong, complex, inbred program of brain washing to not only look like they look, but also to believe what they believe, which I'm pretty sure is the case. Just like the better people say, it's all in the breeding. &, I realize it sounds crazy, but, Christine might be even more psychotic than Sarah. Surprising I know, but it seems to be true. Most of the crap Sarah Palin says appears to have either been written for her, or @ the very least, intensely coached into her moose targeting ass, while Christine's nonsense really feels like it's all her own. It's almost become like a brand. I think Sarah envies her & wants to emulate her insanity. &, I'm sure Christine uses her witchly powers in her everyday life, to her own advantage. She probably bi locates from one balefire to another all the while wielding her athame during her blood of the moon cycle, or something. I'll wager that if you were to read her book of shadows, you'd find that to be the case. But, you don't have to invoke Persefone by Earth, air, fire, water & smoke to know that, lab partner.

You can only be what you are, fool.

Even though Christine is now denying ever being a witch, deep down, you know she is grateful to have survived the burning times, escaping with her chakras intact on her symbolic bossume. What a cantrip, man. She's going to have to keep her projective hand strong though if she expects to be the newest, insanest, most tea baggingest Senator from Delaware. If I know Christine, & I like to think I do, she'll be casting spells as well as aspersions in order to beat that most insufferable Muggle Chris Coons next month. I mean, she's a witch & he's a Marxist, but I guess Delaware could do worse, they could elect a fascist from the Bush family. They'd all be better off with one of the Marx brothers than to have something like that happen, & they're all dead. Maybe there's a long lost Marx cousin lying around she could resurrect or something. Who knows, maybe Christine could hook up an incantation or two & make that shit a reality, son, know what I'm talkin' about? She could probably just save some time & divine the election results with her handy dandy tarot cards & perform a five fold kiss on the High Priest while sitting in the center of a pentagram having an out of body experience; you know, like the time she lost her burgeoning burginity, lol. Okay, there'll be no more witch lingo. Christine's followers though, just might be too late to cast their votes for her if they happen to be on Pagan Standard Time (or, PST). They could just set a reminder alarm on their iBroom. There's an app for that. Okay, so I'm not through with the witch lingo after all, Eee Hee Hee, my pretty! Why? Because it's fun, that's why. Why, it might even be more fun that Pirate speak. Arrr Harr Harrrggggh! Okay, perhaps I be wrong. Fer parlayin' like Pirates be the tits, me bucko! Arrgh, but I've ne'er seen a witch hoist a scurvy sea dog from the yard arm ner send a swab to Davy Joneses locker afore', har haaarrrgh! Okay, now whar' be I? Aaargh, that's right, Christine is a fucking, born again, (I've nothing against born again Christians @ all, however, there are some I wish hadn't been born in the 1st place.) evangelical, hypocritical psycho, (&, those are her nice qualities) & leave us no to forgeting...a stinkin', spell castin', Ankh wearin', wand wavin', dirty ass witch. &, she wants to run the country. Sounds about right to me. Christine, you'd better have an assload of eye of newt. Come out of the broom closet, you crazy, magickal hooker, you.


Eeeee hee hee hee heeeee!


Moustache Power Wins Again!

We all remember Terry Jones, the freaky deaky Baptist preacher with the monumentally proportioned handlebar moustache who was planning on burning the Qran only to pussy out @ the critical moment in fear of his life has received a free car for not doing so. Only in a place called a country named America could something this fun & exciting happen, & it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. & guess what? He's done & went & gone & donated the Hyundai to a Muslim charity no less, not to someone within his own mindless, hateful, judgemental flock who might actually need it. So, we all know by now that Terry Jones hates Muslims & everything about them & hates the nation of Islam to the point where he was publicly planning to burn their bible to demonstrate to the entire world the depths of his hatred. Inexplicably, though, upon learning that his life was going to be in danger if he did burn it, he went against all of his deeply ingrained beliefs & convictions, & not only did he come out in a cavalcade of fake enlightenment & say he would indeed never burn it, he went the extra mile & decided to donate the car, a beeeautiful new Hyundai Accent given to him as a bribe by Brad Benson Hyundai in New Jersey. They offered to give his him the car if only he would give up his crazy Quran burnin' dream, & whaddaya' know, that's all it took. &, a fucking Hyundai Accent, no less. & Not even a premium Hyundai like a Genesis or a Sonata for corn sake. I don't know, it'd probably take slightly more than a Hyundai Accent to get me to abandon my entire belief system, something really nice, like a certified pre owned Yugo, for instance. But not Terry Jones, one little Hyundai & the next thing you know, he's an honorary suicide bomber, shuffling down the street in his authentic Arabian Jubba with matching turban & sandals, reciting the Quran & waiting for his 72 virgins while declaring Jihads on all the infidels what don't believe in Allah, & um, what have you. Oh yeah, & eating a Shawarma or something. Luckily for Terry, the honorary title will allow him to continue practicing his cowardly lifestyle & not actually have to commit suicide. Phew, what a relief! & I have to give mad props to Brad Benson Hyundai GM David Canton for having the malice of foresite to realize that every loser has his price, & Terry Joneses price was a cheap ass Korean subcompact. Hey now, a Koran for a Korean, pretty sweet deal if'n you ask me. Why, Pastor Jones, you surely do drive a hard bargain. Well, you could've driven one, but you done gave it to your sworn enemy. Way to go, chucklehead.


drives a hyundai, has a Qran burning trailer, he's an all American jerk off


The truth is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with caution -Albus Dumbledore, noted warlock, mentor & all around swell guy