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In a world where judges like strippers more than hookers, the dollar changer is king






Links to Judge Camp's fave past times

guys'll be lining up to make it rain on this'un

I wanna be the Troll in control













I & I will be da' judge o' dat, mon












the codeine pain killer of choice for the discerning stripper

The Judicial System of pain killaz










sorry, LT, i only have enough to last me

Oddly enough, it's the only thing that makes my pizza palatable








you have been judged guilty, pow pow!

I'm Judge Jackie Two Guns. I'm gonna go get the bullets, get the bullets.




















yo nombre esta tiburon, holmes



All rise, the honorable Judge Jack Camp is here to score weed...& coke...& Roxicodone...be seated


Atlanta, Georgia (CNN) -- A federal judge in Georgia has been arrested on drug and weapons charges after federal agents say he bought drugs for a stripper with whom he was having an affair.

&, surprisingly enough, it was a republican judge appointed by none other than the Gipper, Ronald Reagan himself. Senior U.S. District Judge Jack Camp got busted with coke, weed, Roxycodone (?) & guns, which, are apparently, all necessary tools in enforcing the laws of this great nation. Camp bought drugs from an undercover agent last Friday & was released Monday on $50,000 bond. Do you people have any idea what the street value of $50,000 is? It's gotta' be worth around 50K. & doesn't Roxycodone sound like a very tasteful stripper name? My favorite of all time being Tasty, of course. Ah, but that's a story for another time, my friends. Okay, I'll tell you now. Well, this one time, @ a strip club, in 1985, I met a stripper name o' Tasty. But, I never did, I never did. Because she was a dirty stripper, that's why, & I didn't want the to be saddled with that stigma. However, now that I've found out strippers are good enough for senior U.S. judges, then by golly, they're good enough for me. Hmm, but how ever will I find her again? I know, I'll look her up on Facebook, surely, there won't be that many Tastys on there & then I'll send her a friend request. Then, I'll tell her all about how Judge Jack Camp found true love with a filthy, junkie stripper & if they can do it, we can, too. We can believe in love & we can believe that the dreamy dreams we dream really do come true, &, we can... oh wait, fuck that noise dude, she's a stripper. She probably doesn't even make all that much money either. Now, if she was a hooker on the other hand, we might could do us some talkin', son. Hookers, keepin' men happy since the invention of vaginas & money...lol.

But, what about hookers?

Now, just hold on a dadblamed second, I think that I must've gotten sidetracked, now, where was I? Oh yeah, hookers. Hookers are nice, & sociable, too. Why, they'll just walk right up to your car all friendly like when you're driving slowly through the shitty section of town while looking for them. & then, they'll have sex with you & all you have to do is give them some money, what could be more awesome than that? Dammit Jack, why couldn't it have been a hooker? @ least then I would have respected you. But, noooo, you had to fall in love with a stripper. Tsk, tsk. How the mighty have fallen. But, @ least you're not a closeted republican homo who got caught molesting a young boy or having sex with some random dude in a public restroom, or sexting young male congressional pages, or even snorkeling a bunkmate, & then denying it all on national television, & then having it invariably all turn out to be true of course, & then still being all indignent about it, & then eventually apologizing humbly & probably resigning. You know, it was only an unsanitary stripper, probably completely harmless. I put this to you, how many men lose their jobs because they were having an affair with a woman besides John Edwards? It's certainly something to think about. So, you've got that going for you...which is nice. Plus, you're a judge, man, many many babes are into that. Buck up little camper, things could be worse.

But, is there a legal precedent?

But, Camp's lawyer, the infamous Bill Morrison doesn't believe any of this should have any bearing upon his eternal judgeliness, as bore out in these very lawyerly comments: "This is really a case between Judge Camp and his wife," Morrison told reporters outside the Atlanta federal courthouse. "It's not a case of Judge Camp being a judge, it's a case of Judge Camp being a husband." Really, Bill Morrison, a senior U.S. District Judge gittin' scraight up bust on wif' some weed, cocaine, prescription pain killers & 2, count em, 2 guns, is purely an issue to be solved between a husband & wife? How much of that weed was Camp picking up for you, your royal highness? Jesus Christ, get stoned much? Ya cheeba monkey, you. Is that the argument you're going to present in court? I daresay the jury deliberations'll take about 30 seconds. Sayonara, your honor, for your lawyer be higher than a muffucka', Jack! You're a real gone cat! Oh, but if only somehow, Camp could figure out a way to preside over his own trial, then he'd get off for sure, & wouldn't even need a hooker. What am I talking about, who doesn't need a hooker, am I right? Of course I am. Hookers aren't a privilege, why, they're a God given right, like crack cocaine, Sarah McClachlan, or, corn dogs even. Again, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, hookers...wait, no it was Judge Camp & his proclivity for drugs, guns & strippers who's probably the secret envy of all his friends right now, who wished they'd been clever enough to think of it. & Hey, maybe if the Pope gave priests a hooker allowance, they wouldn't have to rape quite as many young boys. Hmmm, it's something to think about & has little if anything to do with this article. Though, through no fault of my own, I have kinda' turned this into an informercial about all of the obvious benefits of hookers. Hookers, the best 20 to 1000 dollars you'll ever spend in your life, depending upon your income level.

But, whatever you do, don't read this sober

But seriously folks, hookers are infinitely more fun to talk about than a stripper datin' Judge. Strippers, desanitizing brass poles since 19 aught & 5. See, nuthin'. Hello? Is this thing on? Okay, I'm starting to get bored with this particular subject, so I'll just have to say: In conclusion, sit ye not in the judgement o' judges, or suffer will ye the consequences. I'm bein' totally serious with ye, ye will. Huzzah! See, who else could've so effortlessly thrown a renaissance festival reference in an article otherwise dominated by hookers that was in all actuality, originally intended to be about a judge, a stripper, & a dream. But, like Camp's chances of remaining a judge, the dream...is over, just like it oughta' be. Unless, of course, he brought enough coke, weed, Roxycodone & strippers for the whole class, & knowing him, I'm going with...he didn't. Ah, I'm actually beginning to start to thinking that none of this shit is making any kind of a bit of no sort of sense. Oh well, it's an occupational happenstance, I suppose. I mean, if you write enough words, eventually, some kind of em don't make no one no never mind, or something. So, let that be a lesson upon you, lessen you don't want nor need you a lesson. That, being the case, you lessen your chances of not never learnin' nuthin'. So, are you lost yet? Well, don't be, I'll be glad to start talking about hookers again. Hookers, makin' yer compass point true north for a more than reasonable investment. It's ever so worth it. But, if the honorable Jack Camp is immoral & a bad example to judges & even people worldwide, then hookers must indeed be the apotheosis of strippers...if only for now...if only for a moment. It's all starting to make sense, isn't it? I have nothing to add.

Read the previous paragraph @ your own risk.


* No hookers were injured in the making of this article. Unless, you count that one, of course. But, she had it comin'. Well, she was being like, all, needy & stuff, so I had literally zero choice.