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It's Chief Boot Knocka's world, but we like it, too

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

her butt is borderline bountiful

K K's booty BLOWS up!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

it takes 2 women to play my butt double

Work dat butt like J Lo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

don't mess wit coco butt, ice T don't play dat shit

It's Coco T's world, too!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

mmm but ba da ba ba boommmbutt

Okay, they don't have to be big

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

mi vida loca!

Move over Coco, there's a Vida booty on the block

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

bling dat ass over h'yah

Holla @ me, Coco

 

 

 

I said B O O M ! ! ! !

 

2-10-2011

 

British bird dies just tryin' to get herself a big ol' Bubble Butt

Just a couple of days ago, a 20 year old British college student was tryin' to make her behind more explocious by getting silicone buttox injections, & it backfired on her. &, now she's dead. Everyone knows that when you want to hook yourself up some instant back, then ya got ta carry yo ass to Philly so that somebody who's completely unauthorized, unlicensed & with questionable qualifications can inject lethally poisonous chemicals into your gluteus minimus, &, if you're lucky; you just might not die. &, if ya don't die, there's a pretty darn good chance that your gluteus will be maximized, which, if you think about it, is pretty cool. I mean, if you're a woman in today's society, what's more better than having a big butt? A college degree, a career, children? Come on, am I right? Is that not every gal's ultimate goal? You've got millions of women lining up to use the stair climbing machines @ gyms all over the world & hundreds of plastic surgeons are routinely implanting silicone derriere enhancements into womens behinds in an effort to make their poopers more & more bodacious. In America, it's a national phenomenon. &, why do women want these gigantagious booties? Because, it's sexy as hell, whatsa matter witchu? Geez. Why else would they do it, to make sitting for longer periods of time more comfortable? Okay, that's the only other possible reason for this crazy proliferation of buttocks enhancements that I can think of, but Ima go wit the sexy answer, which is, cuz it is what it is; isn't it? YES, it is. &, what is it? Umm, I believe I just told you it was sexy, damn. Hello, am I going to have to quiz you later? I am? Good, cuz I can talk about me some butts all night long.

i am hennifer lopez, i eat tacos & burritos!

He could you know...& he will. I mean, I will.

But, allow me if you will, to give you a more concise, scientific explanation that just might clear things up for you. I'd like to, if I may, quote the inimitable Sir Mix a Lot, who said, I like big butts and I cannot lie you other brothers can't deny that when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waste and a round thing in your face you get sprung. &, I must axe you, who amongst us don't wanna get sprung? Not me, that's who. Well, that didn't make sense. I'm saying that myself, as a man, happens to like to get himself sprung, & I believe I speak for plenty of fellow individual people of the guy dude type variety who would say the very same thing if only they could. There are men everywhere who live for big bottoms, & if they're worth living for, then surely they must be worth dying for, hence the expression: her ass was to die for. Yup, that's where that old addage came from, in case you were wondering. All that aside, it does make one wonder why someone from jolly old England would come all the way to our country for a larger, more disproportionate hindquarters. Because, it's the American way, that's why. Oh sure, Europe & the rest of the world criticize the U.S. & all of our western decadence all they want, but when they want that Oakland booty, where do their behinds end up? On the shores of the good old U.S. of Asssss, that's where. This is the place where, if you ain't born wit it, you can git it...for a price, of course. &, if you wish to have these types of procedures performed by a qualified surgeon, you'll be forced to pay out the ass, if you'll forgive the double entendre'. However, if you're not a real housewife of Orange County, Beverly Hills, Atlanta, D.C., New York or New Jersey & can't come up with that pricey elective surgery scratch, then there are more discounted alternatives, which, being much cheaper, are infinitely more dangerous.

Oh My Gawd, dat's da funky shit!

Be careful, or you'll end up dead, or worse, you'll look like Donatella Versplotchi

You see kids, a real plastic surgeon would use silicone implants rather than directly injecting raw silicone into yo ass with an inordinately thick needle. The implants have a protective casing that is supposed to prevent them from leaking into the bloodstream, which it does, most of the time. But, when it doesn't, it allows the silcone to seep right in there, poison you & cause all sort of problems, up to & including death. &, I'm no doctor, but I'm guessing that death isn't the desired result. No ma'am, the desired result is a bigger, rounder, more ghettofied backside. Butt, even the most highly regarded plastic surgeons have been known to botch a job or two under the most antiseptic & clinical conditions, so you can only imagine what could happen when some woman from the Dominican Republic agrees to perform the procedure in a hotel room. Why, the repurcussions could be downright consequential. Besides, everybody knows that the best 3rd world doctors come from Guatemala anyway, or is it Venezuela? Ah, who cares? Having said that, this is a horrible tragedy, & I'm not going to make light of the situation since that's what I've been doing for the last 10 minutes, & I'm not going to say I told you so, because I didn't. I didn't tell anyone so because I just learned about it very recently. So, all I'm going to say is...let that be a lesson to all of you thinking of undergoing this procedure in a non medical setting. Now, I'm not trying to talk anybody out of getting what plastic surgeons like to call the Coco T job, I'm just saying that if you're going to do it, then you should do it the right way, you know, so you don't die. Well, it only makes sense. Forgive me for trying to save lives here. But, don't get me wrong, I like big butts as much as the next guy, provided of course, that the next guy isn't Chief Boot Knocka', Sir Mix a Lot himself.

But then again, who's to say that I don't like big butts just as much, or possibly even more than Sir Mix a Lot? I believe the debate between us might go a little something like, thus:

Sir Mix a Lot: I like big butts & I cannot lie.

Me: Well, I like em too.

Sir Mix a Lot: Yeah, but not as much as me.

Me: Oh, really?

Sir Mix a Lot: Well, I really like em.

Me: Me too!

Sir Mix a Lot: Hmmm. Damn, you really do seem to like em a lot, too.

Me: I know, that's what I've been trying to tell you...a lot.

Sir Mix a Lot: Well, let me axe you this, when a girl walks in wit a itty bitty waist & a round thing in your face, what do you get?

Me: Duh, I get sprung. You?

Sir Mix a Lot: Yeah, I get sprung, too. Shit! Okay, hold on, hold on. Think, Mix, think.

Me: You refer to yourself as Mix?

Sir Mix a Lot: Shut the fuck up, I'm tryin' to think here. Okay, when don't your anaconda want none?

Me: Gee, that's a tough one. Let's see, unless she got buns, um, hon?

Sir Mix a Lot: Muthafucka'! You got much game, you got much game. Shit, I guess you do like em as much as me, & I like em a lot, too.

Me: &, We're done here.

Following the debate, Sir Mix a Lot went into seclusion, got himself pert near fitty cats & started drinking elderberry wine out of a righteous pimp cup to silence the voices in his head. Just kidding folks, he's still in the music biz, & has a new cd called Dun 4got about Mix, available on iTunes, so check out his website; which is predictably called sirmixalot.com. I checked it out myself...(it's not that good.) But, don't take my word for it, shell out the $12.99 yourself, you won't be disappointed...unless of course, you like good music, that is; in which case, you will be. I'm just saying that because it's not really my style o' music. I mean, even if I was into hip hop, I probably wouldn't put all those cheesy synthesizers on top of that overly fast beat & rap about european sports carz while sounding like some fake techno, is all I'm sayin'. It all just seems a little contrived to me. I ain't even tryin' to dis Mix though, that muffucka's ah ight. Ya feel me?

 

I think, if my butt's not too big for them to be photographing it, then it shouldn't be too big for me - Christy Turlington